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Joke of the Day

"I finally got my TV show commissioned by the BBC. Its where we film inside the cockpit of an airplane. Were filming the pilot next week."

"A scientist tried to recreate the Chernobyl disaster using only transparent gases It was a new, clear reaction."

"What happens when you plant a sesame seed? Does a sesame grow? What is a sesame? Where my botanists at? Where the hell am I?"

"*Pays $450 for ticket to hockey game. *spends the whole game on iPhone."

"Not to brag but I can still fit in my culturally-defined gender roles from high school!"

"Did you hear about the woman who blew all her money on powerball tickets? She made a lotto bad decisions...."

"Beware of the half truth. You may have gotten hold of the wrong half."

"Why shouldn't you buy Ukrainian underpants? Cos Chernobyl fall out"

"Food is like Dark Humor Not everyone gets it!"

"WIFE: I love the oaky, earthen taste of this wine. FRIEND: Mine is both crisp and full-bodied. ME: [corks on my teeth] I am Count Corkula."