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Joke of the Day

"Mom said I should only date ""a good man"" and I was like HEAVENS TO BETSY I WISH I HAD KNOWN THIS PERTINENT INFORMATION BEFORE NOW."

"Empire Strikes Back is still my favorite StarWars episode. One could say it is a perfect 5/7."

"My friend recently passed away after eating some poisonous mushrooms It's pretty sad, he was a really fungi!"

"If my memory serves me, the last time I was someone's type, I was donating blood."

"My Ideal Woman is a Single Mother ...once I've finished with her."

"Nothing says ""I'm a shitty parent but at least I'm rich"" like giving your 2 year old an iPad."

"Ford claims that 90% of its cars are still on the road today That's pretty bad, apparently only 10% of them made it back home"

"What do you call a cow that has given birth? ..... Decalfinated."

"Me: I can't get the taste of sour balls out of my mouth Friend: I love those candies Me: Candies?"

"What 11 letter word does every Yale graduate spell incorrectly? I n c o r r e c t l y"