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Joke of the Day

"My grandpa slept in snow in the Battle of the Bulge & I'm considering throwing out this cup of water bc it has some tiny floaty things in it"

"I keep my fitbit in the original box same as I do my special edition Malibu Barbie."

"Ice lollies Are like regular drinks for really patient people."

"My neighbour thinks it's funny to joke with my wife, in front of me, that our kids look a bit like him. One day, I'm going to say something to the black bastard."

"Cow with a twitch, beef jerky."

"I had a friend who was right handed but left footed... But he's all right now..."

"cool funny jokes don't miss 'em"

"[Married pillow-talk] Husband: What's your deepest fantasy? Me: That when our kids eat dinner they don't leave any crumbs under the table."

"Why did the Hipster order piping hot soup? He wanted to eat it before it was cool."

"Two elephants and a snake jumped off a cliff... Boom Boom Tsss"