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Joke of the Day

"I remember the first time I saw a universal remote control. I thought to myself, ""Well, this changes everything"""

"Q: Why did the comedian do time? A: Is it cause his jokes killed? (Nope, one in ten dead)"

"If someone ever intimidates you, remember that they're 70% water. Are you scared of water? Well you should be. 400,000 people drown per year."

"Yo Mama is so fat She provides shelter to the people in Nepal"

"Why did the Mexican man push his wife off the cliff? Tequila."

"I have an EpiPen... My friend gave it to me as he was dying...It seemed pretty important to him that I have it, I'll cherish it always. edit: grammar"

"Her: baby can you come up here and play with me? Me: *sprints up stairs Her: I'm kidding. Can you hand me the remote? Me: this is so us"

"Did you hear about the Omaha mother who got tired of putting name tags on her son's shirts so she had his name legally changed to ""Machine Washable""?"

"What is the smallest book in history? French War Victories."

"Am I the only one who runs up on happy couples and yells, ""How could you do this to me"" and then runs off crying?"