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Joke of the Day

"I loathe tweets like ""Be somebody's beautiful tragedy"". Might as well tweet using a random word generator. ""Be golf brisket honkytonk"""

"According to all these BMI charts... I DEFINITELY need to get taller next year."

"Alcoholics don't run in my family... They stumble around breaking things"

"Autocorrect changed ""you flatter me"" to ""you flatten me"" and shit just got really weird."

"What do you call a penis with stamps on it? Male. Of course, if you have to sign for it, it's a package."

"What is a Minnesotan's favorite state to vacation in? It's Alaska, don'Juneau."

"Why do sailors drink so much? We sleep better when the room is moving"

"What does a sick ninja practice? kung flu"

"""Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil.."" Him: Do you have to say that everytime we visit my mom?"

"Jokes 1. Something said in the pursuit of laughter. 2. A short tale with an end worth laughs after. 3. A noun you expect commands no respect. Root word ""jocus"". This limerick: disaster."