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Joke of the Day

"It's like trying run the BostonMarathon with Siamese Twins... They're both pulling in different directions"

"Today is a new day. Be thankful. Do something nice for yourself. Call someone you haven't spoken to in a while. Run with a pair of scissors"

"Why did the plane crash? Because the pilot was a loaf of bread. (my wife tells this joke to everyone and no one but me has ever laughed)"

"If he says ""you're 1 in a million"" it means he either has no knowledge of the world population or he thinks there are 7000 people like you"

"How can you tell if the kid that stole your bike is half black and half polish? He's running down the street with the bike under his arm."

"Roses are red. Your blood is too. You look like a monkey And belong in a zoo. Do not worry, I'll be there too. Not in the cage, But laughing at you."

"What is your favorite type of wood? Mine is morning."

"What does a taxidermist do for a living? Oh you know... stuff..."

"Like boxes of shit in your house? Get a cat."

"What color do Smurfs turn if you choke them?"