149839

Joke of the Day

"Following someone on Twitter and complaining about what they tweet about is like phoning someone to tell them you don't want to talk to them"

"life hack #1 never poop before work even if u are about to shit yourself on the way cuz that just means u get one more break"

"Having an elliptical in my living room has improved my health. Moving it out of the way when I lay down to watch TV burns like 25 calories"

"How do you say unicorn in Spanish? Unamaize"

"What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? ...a pizza doesn't scream in the oven. Note: (freedom of expression)"

"Fish must be like super sad because it probably took a whole lot of tears to fill the whole ocean."

"I wouldn't trust atoms if I were you. They make up everything."

"Doctor told me I need glasses. So I'm having several tonite."

".. How are you on your grind, if you're on twitter all the time?"

"King's Landing Tommen put the king's landing in King's Landing"