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Joke of the Day

"My wallet is like an onion Every time I look at it, I cry"

"What critically acclaimed movie did Zeus star in? The Godfather"

"In Italy, they call me Olive Oil Its because im extra virgin. :("

"*requests Uber* *climbs in backseat* Uber driver: ""Where to?"" Me: ""oh, nowhere. I just don't like to change my diaper in the street."""

"Don't exercise so you can live longer. Exercise so when you're about to die you can think, ""at least I don't have to exercise anymore""."

"Your Jedi mom is so fat... she should be on a force sensible diet."

"Curveball What is black, bitter and dont work worth a damn? . . . . Decaf coffee."

"I am being so rude. Apologies. Google, is there anything you want to ask me?"

"You can lead a horse to water... but you cant force her to star in Sex in the City 3."

"The rest of the world should fear our military. We have the most cutting edge technology 1954 had to offer."