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Joke of the Day

"Me: I really don't have any bad habits to speak of. Her: So you have no bad habits? Me: No, I have plenty! Just none I'd want to speak of."

"People tell you to make yourself at home but then look confused when you drink their liquor and take a nap in the kitchen"

"Why did.. Q : Why did Manchester United go to Stamford Bridge? A : Four Nothing"

"What kind of bus can cross the ocean? A Columbus."

"Ever since I got my antivirus check done on my computer. Single Asian ladies don't wanna do it with me anymore."

"I went to the zoo.. I went to the zoo the other day. There was only one dog. It was a shitzu."

"When tragedy strikes your community, McDonald's will still be there to take your money."

"What's red and is bad for your teeth? A brick"

"Babe are you a new software update? Because not now."

"Why is it hard to watch two elephants boxing? Because they've got the same colour trunks."