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Joke of the Day

"""are you drunk?"" - everyone's response when i send a nice text"

"Look, mom, we can keep arguing about whether or not 28 is too old to live your parents but it's not gonna help us find my iguana any faster."

"Dance like no one is watching! Comment like you don't live in your mom's basement!"

"What do waiters want most after dinner? The tip!"

"I just dropped my iPhone in liquor, and now Siri is slurring her words, won't stop talking, stumbling and trying to have sex with me."

"Why could Edward not leave his driveway and get back to his home country? He was Snowden."

"I put my phone on Airplane Mode and now I can't find it..."

"What sexual position do you use to make an ugly baby? Go ask your mom"

"My Girlfriend says if this gets 100 votes, We'll try anal. For God's sake, DON'T FUCKING VOTE! Her dildo is terrifying!"

"Apple's latest phone is going to be a hit. It's the iPhone Success."