14876

Joke of the Day

"So Aliens Arrive ""Earth has a species with advanced warfare, they seem intelligent."" ""No, they have it aimed at themselves."""

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Some insensitive asshole was tapping it to certain death on his iPhone."

"Hey girl Wanna party like it's 1982?"

"I was doing my online shopping the other day and bought one hundred bottles of tipex. I made a really big mistake!"

"A boy bought some Tesco burgers from the canteen, The dinnerlady asked what he wanted on them. The boy replied: ""I'll have 5 each way!"""

"What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? Neil Armstrong was the first man to walk on the moon... and Michael Jackson liked to rape little boys."

"Did you hear about the stupid wizard? He couldn't remember if he used to be forgetful."

"Swallowing glass is a real pane in the neck."

"There was an ignition recall on my new car.... I guess we're off to a bad start."

"So many good jokes on twitter today. Comparatively few reliable strategies for achieving eternal life."