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Joke of the Day

"Why did Microsoft skip Windows 9? Because Windows 7 8 9."

"[first day as a masseuse] Me: [closing book] ""...& they all lived happily ever after"" Customer: ""That's not what I meant by 'happy ending'"""

"Helicopter crash A helicopter crashed today over a cemetery on the outskirts of the city. So far the authorities have recovered over 200 bodies."

"[Ouija board in Starbucks] ""Speak to me spirits"" O M G H A V E U S E E N W H A T K R I S T Y I S W E A R I N G G R O S S"

"Did it hurt when you fell from heaven? Because it looks like you landed on your face."

"I know one song that won't be popular in gay clubs anymore. Murder on the Dance Floor."

"Alcohol is like real life photoshop for ugly people."

"I wanna see some BUTTS on da dance floor! ONLY butts. Detached from their owners, just kinda in a pile. In the middle. Nice. Good butt pile."

"Other people's umbrellas are more annoying than other people's kids because umbrellas never say anything darnedest at all."

"People are like onions... I always cry when I cut them up."