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Joke of the Day

"I went to a self defence class last night and the instructor told me to ""take him by surprise and attack him"". So when I saw him in Walmart the next day I threw a can of beans at his head."

"French rifle for sale. Never fired. Dropped twice."

"What's the difference between an oral and rectal thermometer The taste"

"The best part of necrophilia You don't have to bring flowers"

"Socialist jokes are not funny Unless everyone gets them."

"A mathematician, a college professor, and a textbook author walk into a bar. *[The punchline is left as an exercise for the reader.]*"

"The good news is that there is baseball in heaven... The bad news is that you're pitching on Friday."

"A man orders soup at a restaurant. The waiter sets his plate down and he sees a fly in the bowl... So he asks the waiter, ""What's this fly doing in my soup?"" The waiter responds, ""The backstroke."""

"Two old ladies sitting on a park bench.. Two old ladies sitting on a park bench, a streaker ran by. One of them had a stroke, the other just couldn't reach."

"What starts with E, ends with E, and only has one letter in it? An envelope!"