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Joke of the Day

"I went to a self defence class last night and the instructor told me to ""take him by surprise and attack him"". So when I saw him in Walmart the next day I threw a can of beans at his head."

"Marriage is like fruit Honeydew this, Honeydew that..."

"I would never expect to get a penny from a dollar machine. It just doesn't make cents."

"What kind of fish is made out of two sodium atoms? Tuna (2Na)."

"What's the difference between Lance Armstrong and Hitler? Lance could finish a race"

"All I want from life is to be able to respond ""crystal"" when someone angrily asks me if they've made themselves clear."

"What did one nose say when the other nose said ""I love you""? ""Back achoo!"""

"A dyslexic man... Walks into a bra."

"Father: I hear you skipped school to play football Son: No I didn't and I have the fish to prove it!"

"Did you hear about the gay (native American) indian? He was a brave fucker."