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Joke of the Day

"You're like cheese I laugh when I cut you! Edit: First post on Reddit? Why not start with a cheesy joke?"

"What do you call a secular humanist NGO? A non-prophet non-profit."

"Christian Bale won Best Supporting Actor for playing a mentally unstable drug addict.And then Charlie Sheen was like, ""You can get an award for that?"

"[lights 2016 calendar on fire] There. Now you can't hurt anyone any longer. [wind blows calendar onto my coat; I'm engulfed in flames]"

"If anyone needs me, I'll be at the hospital leaving robots and newspapers from the year 2310 in the rooms of coma patients."

"If you stop water with a dam... ...do you stop holy water with a goddamn? If you psychically stop holy water for a living, can you mind your own goddamn business? -&y (Yes i wrote that myself)"

"What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator"

"How many times do I have to say ""excuse me"" before ""get the f*ck out of my way"" becomes acceptable?"

"My gym teacher said get in line or ill tip a cow. i asked ""how much money are you gonna tip the cow?"""

"How's the new Chinese restaurant downtown? Eh... It's tso-tso."