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Joke of the Day

"Valentine's Day is for people who lack the imagination to be romantic during the rest of the year."

"How do you make a hormone? Don't tip her."

"I saw a guy walking 4 dogs this morning and thought, Wow!.. That guy must be really blind."

"How many flies does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Two."

"Why does Batman wear a mask? Because the citizens of Gotham aren't morons, like those idiots over in Metropolis."

"There's a thin line between ""I should do a status update about that"" and ""I should talk to a therapist about that""..."

"Met with a girl on tinder, Turns out her eyes were on her elbows instead of her face. She looked different than I thought she would."

"Whoever invented the forklift over estimated the weight of forks"

"""Well I should probably get off twitter. I have to be at work in 15 minutes and I haven't even showered yet."" - me and at least 100 of you"

"A mexican and a black guy are in a car, who is driving? A cop"