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Joke of the Day

"Uber dressed up some of their vehicles as Star Wars Stormtroopers in Manhattan... I wouldn't mind riding one of those. They won't hit anything."

"Why do gay pirates always fight each other? They are always trying to get to the others booty"

"What State do you go to to ask questions? Al-ask-ya"

"I never take a stab in the dark. I like to see what I'm stabbing."

"McDonalds should have a 3rd window where you can trade in the wrong stuff that they gave you at the 2nd window."

"If Mt Vesuvius erupted over us right now, there'd be lots of shapes of people looking at their phones later on."

"I wrote a poem that says: I dig, you dig, they dig, we dig It isn't pretty, but it is very deep."

"What do you call an Irishman who sits on the porch all year round? Patty O'Furnature"

"I used to own a racing snail... It never won though. To improve its performance I removed its shell but, if anything, it made it more sluggish"

"While other countries are doubling down on education, we're using chicken breasts as sandwich bread."