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Joke of the Day

"Kanye's motivation to run for president . . . Mayweather's facebook page and twitter account! You can have them even if you don't know what is in them."

"Why are recycle bins optimistic? Because they're full of cans. *ba dum tss*"

"You know at first, I didn't like the mold I found on my skin. But then it started to grow on me."

"When a girl says: ""If you can't handle me at my worst, then you don't deserve me at my best""... What she really means is: ""I'm a f*ckin psycho."""

"My wife left me over my pasta fetish I'm feeling cannelloni right now"

"What's the difference between a gay guy and a refrigerator? A refrigerator doesn't fart when you pull the meat out."

"Everyone says to do a job you love. So i bet suicide bombers always have a blast."

"Today, a hobo called me a beautiful princess, but he pronounced it ""I KNOW YOU HAVE CHANGE, YOU STUPID CRACKER BITCH!""."

"I feel bad I punched that guy, but he shouldn't get so close to my punching bag. I should stop leaving my punching bag by my office door."

"Don't waste electricity. Would you like it if I turned you on and walked away?"