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Joke of the Day

"Kanye's motivation to run for president . . . Mayweather's facebook page and twitter account! You can have them even if you don't know what is in them."

"my husband...just pointed out d new strands of hair growing under my chin..... someones not getn laid tonight."

"I just got fired for sexual harassment. I'm self employed."

"To make a delicious omlette... you must be an eggspert."

"- Doctor, kiss me! - I can't. We, the doctors, follow a very strict work ethic that does not allow us to kiss our patients. Honestly speaking, I should have never even fucked you in the first place!"

"Date: Do u have any allergies? Me: I'm allergic to raisins. They make me cry D: That's an unusual reaction M: They could've been wine!!"

"*guy looks around to see if anyone is looking* *sees the coast is clear, licks tree* And that's how they found out about maple syrup"

"There's a spoiler in the description. There's a spoiler in the title."

"John Cena wakes up ... **John Cena wakes up in a hospital** John Cena: Where am I? Nurse: ICU John Cena: No you can't."

"If a girl stabbed me on our first date, how many days should I wait to ask her out again?"