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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever eaten Ethiopian food? Neither have they."

"My Somalian friend asked me the other day... If I had ever tried Somalian food. ""No, I've never had any,"" I said. ""That's all right,"" he said, ""neither have Somalians."""

"Little monster: Mom Mom what's for tea? Mother monster: Shut up and get back in the microwave."

"I've just been dumped by my girlfriend. She found me creepy because I have a nickname for my penis. Guess now that I'm single again I'll have to take Matters into my own hands."

"The worst part about ""Friends"" being canceled is that I've now been stuck with Rachel's last haircut since 2004."

"In the Phoenix airport & I just heard a guys laptop say ""you've got mail"". Pretty sure I've landed in 1998."

"A hippie just used ""dude"" in so many different contexts while talking to me I had to translate using my Brosetta Stone."

"I told the doctor I want to take my amputated leg home and he asked why ""Because it's my right"""

"What song did the gay guy sing on his way back from vacation in Thailand? Goodbye yellow dick road"

"Breastfeeding in public is a great way to get hit on. Especially if you forget to bring your baby."