145781

Joke of the Day

"What do you call the sweat between two people having sex in Arkansas? Relative Humidity"

"Relationships are like yard sales.... They look like fun from a couple yards away, but up close it's just a bunch of crap you don't need."

"If you're the guard at a Samsung store ... Does that make you the guardian of the galaxy?"

"What did O say to Q? Your boto is showing!"

"What did the magician say to the cell? Might I conjure Ya?"

"If I owned a Brazilian waxing joint, I'd call it Pubic's Cube or The Razor's Edge or Hedging Your Bets or Getting a Leg Up or Bush League or"

"[after blowing out all the candles on my cake] him: Did you wish for world peace again? me: haha of course. *A WILD SQUIRTLE APPEARS*"

"I can't wait until my breasts make milk. Sometimes I get thirsty. And the fridge is all the way over there."

"Whenever I get a stack of resumes, I immediately throw half of them away. I don't want unlucky people working in my department."

"The fireworks have been over for hours but Rex is still barking, which is weird because he's 12 years old and not a dog. Weird little kid."