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Joke of the Day

"While getting thrown in jail, my grandma's pacemaker failed. I guess you could say it was a cardiac arrest for battery."

"Which is the most dangerous page of the newspaper? C4."

"As a parent, the only warm meal I get around here is ice cream."

"No cop can catch a kid on a 10 speed. -every 80s movie with cops chasing kids on 10 speeds."

"Why is the Apple Store always so hot? They don't have Windows installed. ;)"

"Two television sets got married. The wedding was boring, but the reception wasbeautiful."

"How long do I have to sleep before I'm legally a bear?"

"Did you hear about the magic tractor? It turned into a field."

"It's official. The winner of the biggest upset in US presidential history is T-R-U-M- A-N. 1948. HUGE upset. Edit 3:30AM ET: this was a *lot* funnier when it was true."

"Soon we'll all have to sign an apartment lease, sign up for electricity, and water, and cable, and school didn't teach any of this."