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Joke of the Day

"What's George Washington's favorite element? Americium-1776"

"Hey moms! Here's a fun game to play: When your kid gets home from school, be lying on the floor screaming in pain, ""YOU STEPPED ON A CRACK!"""

"Why the long face ? A horse walks into a bar. Bartender: why the long face ? Horse: because I'm a raging alcoholic."

"Anthropic principle: the universe must be as it is in order for us to perceive it Anthropomorphic principle: look, I'm a talking principle!"

"What do George Michael and Carrie Fisher have in common? Both their first names have six letters. That's it. For now. Edit: they're both dead."

"If doors have a website shouldn't windows have one too? We'd better or it will be curtains for us."

"How do we know that Dumbledore was a horcrux? Because killing him after the second film wasn't good enough."

"[Swims out to Sea] *sees shark* OH NO! *dolphins save me* Thanks dolphins! *dolphins ask for a tip [I'm broke] *they return me to the shark*"

"Float like a jellyfish, sting like a jellyfish."

"Whats the difference between a catfish and a lawyer? One's a slimy scum-sucking bottom-dwelling scavenger; the other is a fish."