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Joke of the Day

"A man goes to a library and asks if they have a book on suicide The librarian says ""Fuck off, you won't bring it back."""

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"Whenever I shoot something into the trash, I yell ""Kobe!"" But then, my friend follows up by yelling ""Jack!"" I don't get what he's trying to say, but he sure is acting cheesy."
"HER: You didn't make a reservation? ME: I got this. (to Maitre D') Perhaps *this* will jog your memory? M: A handful of Skittles, sir?"
"Hi everyone, I'd like to announce that I'm dating my very first professional model... she's a 'before' model, can't wait to see how she'll turn out!"
"If you enjoy sitting around and doing nothing, I'm your girl."
"4 bullfighters in quicksand What do you call 4 bullfighters in quicksand? Quattro cinco"
"If laughter was the best medicine... Your face would cure the world!"
"What magazine makes cows stampede to the newsstand? Cows-mopolitan!"
"An old married couple wins 10 million dollars from the lottery. ""What shall we do with all these letters begging for money?"" the woman asks her husband. ""Keep sending them!"""
"Be more like Christ they said... Be more like Christ they said, so I became Jewish."