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Joke of the Day

"My lesbian neighbors gave me a Rolex for my birthday It was mighty kind of them, but they misunderstood when I said ""I wanna watch"""

"I'm currently dating a woman that, like me, has Parkinson's and kleptomania. We're going to take things slow."

"*Throws all 900 baby items in garbage* *Buys Magic 8 Ball* *Whispers*, This is how we raise you now."

"My wife and I have lost 150 lbs combined!!! The search team are taking longer than expected to get her body back from the river though."

"Ten years ago I gave up alcohol and women... it was the worst 20 minutes of my life. -George Best"

"The people in Bahrain don't like The Flintstones But those in Abu Dhabi do"

"My neighbour said I'm not allowed to feed the baby raccoons living in their shed. I wonder if they'd prefer left over chicken to sandwiches"

"Two hookers talking. One ask the other. Have you ever been picked up by the fuzz? To which the other replies No, but I've been swung around by the tits."

"Is my corny pun... A-maize-zing?"

"How many philosophers does it take to change a lightbulb? I don't know, that's a good question."