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Joke of the Day

"Why did Isis cover their bullets in butter? Because the French were toast! This is a joke I made up, along with an alternative : What do Isis eat for breakfast? French toast."

"I tried to explain what a double-entendre is But it's soooo hard"

"*uses ipad as a phone* Hey look at me i'm a hobbit"

"getting my loan approved at the bank by lying on my back and executing a series of flawless air kicks right there in the lobbby"

"How does a Mexican use 'liver' and 'cheese' in the same sentence? Liver alone, cheese mine!"

"""There are nine holes on a chair. A man sat and farted. Which hole did the fart go through?"" The asshole."

"The best part about owning a pet. You can blame your dog for farting, you can blame your cat for things falling over at night, and you can blame your goldfish for the screaming in the basement."

"I spent ages trying to cross a busy road. Some passer-by said, ""There's a zebra crossing fifty yards up the road."" I thought, ""I hope he's having better luck than me."""

"How do you throw an egg at the wall without breaking it? With the chicken still around it"

"My wife is in a bad mood. I think her boyfriend forgot their anniversary. Way to go, dude. Now we all suffer..."