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Joke of the Day
"How many Mexicans does it take to change a lightbulb? Only Juan."
Next Joke
"How many cancer patients does it take to change a lightbulb? One, and ten people to stand around clapping and saying ""Aww, how brave."""
"How many Super Saiyans does it take to change a lightbulb? Find out next time on Dragon Ball Z!"
"Gotta get me one of those iPhone-credit-card holders so I can lose everything at once and be totally completely fucked forever."
"[at the gym] PERSONAL TRAINER: have you exercised at all in the past? *flashbacks to holding my gut in for the past ten years* ME: totes"
"Lies I tell at work: ~ I'm sorry I said that ~ I didn't mean to offend you ~ It won't happen again ~ Of course I don't think you're an idiot"
"What car does a japanese girl love to ride Nee-san"
"I saw this man and woman wrapped in a barcode... I asked, Are you two an item?"
"If my pizza delivery guy isn't blasting Lionel Richie's ""Hello"" from his car when he rings my doorbell, I make him go back and start over."
"What do you call 1 white guy with 500 black guys The warden"