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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally broke my Irish friend's Pixar movie... He wasn't amused, but he did say, ""You cracked me Up."""

"""Go ahead, caller. . ."" ""Yes, hello. My dog dug up a femur and I'd like to make soup. Would you suggest carrots or potatoes?"""

"what do you call a lazy kangaroo? a pouch potato"

"What's the difference between marriage and identity theft? At least with identity theft you know you're getting fucked."

"Jehovah's Witnesses don't celebrate Halloween. Guess they don't like random people coming up to their door."

"News: Man dies of heart attack while donating to a sperm bank He came and went at the same time"

"New Year's Eve probably sucks for Lance Armstrong... He can't enjoy watching the ball drop."

"If you're a Mormon, and you have a mom, and you haven't been referring to her exclusively as Mitt Momney...then why the hell are you Mormon?"

"Why doesn't Santa have any children? He only comes once a year and it's down a chimney."

"When I die, someone, please attend my funeral dressed as the Grim Reaper and just stand there and don't say a word. Thanks."