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Joke of the Day

"Accidentally broke my Irish friend's Pixar movie... He wasn't amused, but he did say, ""You cracked me Up."""

"My wife and I had a real Fairytale wedding. A wolf killed her grandma during the ceremony and then we ate stolen porridge from some bears."

"My lame brother and his friends dressed up as european sausages tonight! He's the wurst."

"Just passed a cop on a bicycle, I hope I used my turn signal properly or I might get a detention or whatever they hand out"

"I will be in a bathroom stall later today to watch Trump's inauguration... ...it will forever be remembered as the day shit went down."

"My daughter is late coming down to breakfast. Her 3 strips of bacon are getting cold. I mean 2 strips. Sorry, 1 strip. She'll have cereal."

"Denied candy because I ""didn't wear red"". Kicked out of the office because I ""didn't wear pants"". I'm tired of these Valentine's Day rules."

"I was addicted to porn... ...but then I beat it."

"What's the difference between America and Yoghurt? If you leave yoghurt alone for 2000 years it'll develop a culture."

"Hitler was born on April 20th... cuz he was destined to blaze the jews."