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Joke of the Day

"I'm torn between feeling like I can do anything if I wanted to, and feeling like I don't want to do anything because I don't want to."

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"A new mint flavored contraceptive taken before sex... called Predickamints."
"My friend used to play sports. Then she realized you can buy trophies. Now she's good at everything."
"I shot a turkey for the first time today... Scared the shit out of everyone in the frozen foods section."
"Geophysics Joke That argument is so weak, it can still be measured on the Richter Scale! Randomly popped into my head while watching an earthquake documentary."
"What do you call a pile of cats? A Meowtain."
"My Wife walked in on me having sex with our daughter. I dont know what she was more angry about, me having sex with our daughter or that the abortion clinic let me keep the foetus"
"Huz and kids want to go to waffle house for breakfast but I didn't even remember to pack our bullet proof vests."
"Vader: Remove my helmet so I can see you with my own eyes. Luke: OK. Vader: On second thought, don't. I have 30 years worth of hat hair."
"Why do cats love small spaces? 'cause pussies gotta be tight"
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