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Joke of the Day

"Why did Adele cross the road? Q: Why did Adele cross the road? A: To sing, ""Hello from the other side!"""

"Q: Why didn't the T-rex skeleton attack the museum visitors? A: Because she had no guts!"

"What does being questioned by interpol have in common with cunnilingus? One slip of the tongue and you're in the shit"

"Give a man a match and he's warm for a day.... Set fire to a man and he's warm for the rest of his life."

"What do you get when you inject human DNA into a sheep? ...banned from the petting zoo..."

"A movie about my life would really just be two hours of someone waiting at a bus stop and still managing to miss the bus."

"[Cute Girl]: *in hot tub* Hey baby. Why don't you come join me? [Lobster]: No I'm good over here. That's how my dad died."

"If they gave out awards for laziness, I would have to send somebody to accept it for me."

"Why does Donald Trump watch the olympics? To see how high the mexican pole jumpers can jump."

"I told a waitress she was much prettier without glasses so she set down her tray of drinks."