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Joke of the Day

"7: Dad, why did the Tooth Fairy write me a check? Me: I don't know but she needs you to hold on to it until the 15th."

"Marriage is the process of finding out what kind of man your wife would have preferred."

"So I've always wanted to try the homosexual thing... ... but I get claustrophobic in tight spaces."

"A new Michael Jackson album was released this week and it contains a track titled ""Do You Know Where Your Children Are?"" Even worse, the next song is called, ""Can You Give Me Directions?"""

"[At auto store] Employee: How can we get you to walk out of here with 4 tires? ""Sir, you are wildly overestimating my strength."""

"So I was walking past my local supermarket the other day and a man started to throw cheese, butter and milk at me. How dairy."

"What do you call an attractive primate corpse in Saudi Arabia? Haram bae"

"My girlfriend is like a trampoline,... ...i dont have a trampoline!"

"Two tomatoes were sitting in a fridge... One tomato says to the other: 'Ain't it cold?' And the other replies: 'HOOOOOLY SHIT, A SPEAKING TOMATO!!!'"

"I think if my rich neighbor realized just how great of a party he is going to have at his house tonight, he wouldn't leave for vacation."