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Joke of the Day

"I like my women like my coffee... In a burlap sack, on the back of a donkey."

"Control this is astronaut Douglas sending transmission from the Milky Way..we have no signs of chocolate..or caramel..I'd like to come home"

"How do you get a one armed polack out of a tree? Wave hello"

"What do you call a priest who has had too much sacramental wine? An Alcatholic."

"What do you call an international criminal waffle that you dropped at the beach? Carmen Sandy Eggo"

"What's the best class in school if you want to be a doctor? Weight training, it gives you the most patients."

"Having gay parents must be horrible You either get twice the usual amount of dad jokes or get stuck in an infinite loop of ""go ask your mom"""

"Life hack: Never actually say the words 'Life hack' out loud."

"I didn't know how to put this gently so I drew you a picture. That's you. Now, see the guy choking you? That's me."

"Did you hear about that celebrity who committed suicide? Reese whatsername? ""Witherspoon?"" ""No, with a knife!"" Only really works if you actually tell it to someone (and can maintain a good pokerface)"