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Joke of the Day

"[campfire] ME: They say these trees are over 200 years old. Man, if trees could talk... TREE: Please stop burning my flesh to cook hot dogs."

"I turned my phone on ""Airplane Mode"" and threw it into the air. Worst transformer ever."

"What do you call a line at a Vietnamese restaurant? A pho queue"

"Someone keeps sending me envelopes with cartoon dicks on them. I hate junk mail."

"Why was Pablo Escobar always falling asleep? He was **narco**leptic."

"yes 911 i need to report a kidnapping. lol yeah there's a baby goat asleep in my lap. no dont send cops you'll wake him up"

"I painted my PC black hoping it would run faster but now it doesn't work at all."

"I promised my wife I would make her feel like a princess. She is all locked up in the tower now."

"shoutout to Disney for giving me unrealistic expectations about love, talking animals and my singing voice"

"Winter... The only time of year when 8-12 inches is used to describe something white. (Up North)"