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Joke of the Day

"My friend told me this joke about a party host who made his guests line up for juice... I can't seem to remember the entire joke, but all I know is that there was a long punch line."

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"Why can't a blonde dial 911? Q: Why can't a blonde dial 911? A: She can't find the eleven."
"I like my coffee like I like my women. Black and taken from poor countries when not mature."
"An elephant never walks into a bar He only drinks to forget"
"What's my New Year resolution? Well, I just got a Hi-Def TV, so it's 1920 X 1080i."
"What's the opposite of running away and getting married? Anteloping."
"What's the best part about sleeping with a Cubs fan? They're used to disappointment."
"I built a staircase using an online tutorial! When I finished I thought something looked wrong so I went back to look at the instructions. I missed a step."
"Have you heard about the restaurant on Mars? The food is great, but the atmosphere is lacking."
"Ever worry that spiders have 8 slippers to slap you with?"