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Joke of the Day

"Apparently I have a few ""tells"" when I'm angry. But I light things on fire when I'm happy too so don't pretend you know me."

"OB-GYN My uncle is a very accomplished OB-GYN. He is also incredibly humble, when asked what he does for a living, he casually responds, 'I'm in the cervix industry. '"

"A man walks in for a blood donation. The nurse asks ""Are you sexually active?"" The man replies ""Wouldn't that be rather awkward with us both sitting here?"""

"Baseball is where a man repeatedly hurls something at a burly man armed with a bat and the most boring possible outcome happens"

"Dr: He has a lot of blockage ""So my Dad has a bad heart?"" Dr: He also donates to charity ""So he has a good heart?"" Dr: Ya, it evens out"

"When I was a kid, I would launch Hamsters and other small rodents in my model rockets. I called it the Gerbil Space Program."

"I stepped on an ant hill today and realized I had probably killed a lot of innocent ants. I also killed all the ant rapists so, I'm a hero."

"Home alone... Time to teach the neighbors what good music sounds like!"

"TEXT ""TEXT"" TO TEXT TO DONATE A TEXT TO TEXT"

"BLIND DATE TIP FOR WOMEN: Throw a fork into the wall behind ur date so he has to turn around, to make sure he doesn't have a hidden ponytail"