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Joke of the Day

"A neutron walks into a bar and orders a beer. The bartender sets the beer down and says, For you, no charge!"

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"Gravity falls fans are going to hate me for this... My ex wife still misses me, but her aim is getting better!"
"[first date] HER: Do you have any hobbies? ME: Yes! Wait, did you say ""hobbits""? HER: No, hobbies ME: Oh, then no"
"[hears a dog in the distance barking in the middle of the night] Yeah I'd love to be friends."
"911: What's your emergency? Me: Hunting accident. I think my friend is dead 911: Can you verify that he's dead? *gunshot* Me: Yep, he's dead"
"What do you call a blind member of the Third Reich? A ""notsee"" because they cannot see! I'll see myself out..."
"My Penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records Then the librarian told me to take it out"
"Two women are sitting in a cafe discussing work.. One says to the other ""How do you like your job testing push-up bras?"" The other woman replies, ""It has its perks."""
"My boss is so nit picky that he's not even a micro manager... ...he's a quantum manager."
"There are 2 black men in a car, who is driving? The cops"