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Joke of the Day

"Give a man a fish, you feed him for a day. Give a man a poisoned fish and you feed him for the rest of his life."

"My daughter labeled me BIRTH GIVER in her phone. I'm thinking about labeling her THANKS FOR WHAT YOU DID TO MY BODY."

"Why are women terrible drivers? Because making sandwiches behind the wheel is a lot harder than making them in the kitchen."

"What bathroom does Roy G. Biv use? The colored one."

"I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back."

"I'm sorry, what language are you speaking? It sounds like bullsh*t."

"You can't keep eating people's lunches from the break room & blaming the Taliban. A lot of what you've been stealing is pork for one thing."

"What's an sjw's favorite subject? Triggerednometry"

"TIL you don't actually learn something new everyday. Wait. Nevermind."

"In the meantime I plan on absolutely crushing it over on LinkedIn."