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Joke of the Day

"How many dub-step artists does it take to clean a bathtub? 100\. One to actually clean it, and 99 to talk about how dirty it is."

"I hate it when I sit down on a warm public toilet seat and I have to set myself on fire."

"Why doesn't Justin Bieber shop at Sports Authority? Cuz he likes Dicks."

"Mrs Saggy: Mrs Wrinkly tried to have a facelift last week. Mrs Baggy: Tried to? Mrs Saggy: Yes they couldn't find a crane strong enough to lift her face!"

"Tweet idea: a funny and popular one"

"Morning wood makes the best fire."

"How did the girl end up with ninja jizz on her face? she didn't see him coming"

"What comes after 69? A funeral"

"My teacher called me a procrastinator today. But I'd say I'm more of an amateurcrastinator considering none of my endorsement checks have come in yet."

"In a last ditch effort to curb over grazing, some ranchers have decided to drive their cattle up into the mountains. Analysts say the steaks have never been higher."