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Joke of the Day

"Why did the lettuce blush? Because he saw the salad dressing"

"If you get a boner at a funeral is it still called mourning wood?"

"bowie leaves us and then a 9th planet appears, i don't need to read your science article"

"Why couldn't the Dali Lama go out and play with his friends? Because he was grounded."

"The worst part of going on a date with a guy I don't like is how my grandma always dies before our food gets there."

"*bites nails* Sorry. Bad habit. I haven't been on a date in a while ""I can see why"" she says, pulling her fingers out of my mouth"

"what kind of vegetable is the hypest a turnup obvs"

"Jesus was such a player.... ...he was laid in a manger"

"""That's me in a nutshell."" A peanut's photo album."

"Coming on valentines day. Fifty shades of grey. There won't be a dry seat in the cinema."