140220

Joke of the Day

"I shaved all the hair of my girlfriend's cat. Hopefully she takes the hint."

"My friend said, ""Hey, can you tell me the time?"" I said, ""Not on my watch"""

"bae is acting so cute and imaginary tonight"

"Why is it hard to hold a speech at a nudist convention? It does not help to imagine people in their underwear."

"The other day I asked my wife to hand me the news paper. She said, ""Silly you, just use my Ipad.""... That spider had no fucking idea what hit it."

"Overheard at Starbucks: Man: Would you like to try a pumpkin spice latte? Woman: No. Since Trump came on the scene I am boycotting everything orange."

"911: What's your emer- She said don't get her anything for Valentine's Day! 911: And you didn't? No! 911: Placing you in protective custody."

"Having friends is like having a Porsche... I'd really like to have a Porsche."

"Why did the pig give his girlfriend a box of candy? It was Valenswine's Day."

"What is the difference between Donald Trump and a bucket of cow manure? the bucket"