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Joke of the Day

"I hate tattoos For instance, if you get a tattoo of a Tarantula, 60 years later it'll look like Daddy Long Legs."

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"What do you get if your budgie flies into the blender ? Shredded Tweet !"
"""I am Daenerys Targaryen. The Unburnt. Mother of Dragons. Breaker of chains. Que-"" Job interviewer: Three references is fine."
"What does popcorn and KFC have in common? Greasy, old kernals"
"How do you tell if your gas station attendant is a former porn star? Right before he finishes pumping your gas he takes it out and sprays it all over your car"
"I just felt a weird twitching somewhere inside me. I think it might be my liver waving a white flag."
"Fox is good on Final Destination... but Fountain of Dreams is where he shines."
"I'm glad I learned about parallelograms instead of how to do taxes. It's really come in handy this parallelogram season"
"What do you call a camel without humps? Humphrey."
"[movie theater] TRAILER ANNOUNCER: how far will one man go.....to protect what he loves ME: [turning to person behind me] pretty far i bet"
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