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Joke of the Day

"Everyone had heard of the Ronald McDonald house for abused children..... Now they're opening the tempura house for lightly battered women."

"I got a book for Hanukkah today It was the diary of Anne Frank"

"We've updated Skype so you have the latest version... it includes performance improvements and general fixes."

"Why didn't the guitarist get laid? Because he had bad pickups"

"What's the easiest way to confuse an anthropologist? Hold up a used tampon and ask him to identify which period it's from"

"""You stand accused of 3 counts of first degree murder."" ""Look, I'm a lot of things--"" ""Are you a murderer?"" [bites lower lip] ""Little bit."""

"I just hope this Justin Bieber thing doesn't make all yellow Lamborghini owners look bad."

"For every hour that passes without payment, I will teach another hostage ""Wonderwall"" on acoustic guitar and release him back to you"

"I like messing with Texas by calling random numbers in Houston and telling them I have a problem."

"What kind of bears don't have teeth? Gummi bears. ;)"