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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear the one about Ferguson? It's a riot."

"The older I get, the more I watch Ferris Bueller and root for him to get caught."

"Kraft Foods, Inc. has moved their headquarters to Tel Aviv They're changing their name to Cheeses of Nazareth."

"Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face."

"What does a gay horse eat? Dick you idiot."

"I saw my waitress had a black eye so I ordered really slow Since she's obviously not good at listening."

"If someone casts me in a live musical I promise to go off book and start talking about 9/11"

"MATH Q: 5 friends wanna split a $50 dinner. But Josh wants a separate check bc his thing was $2 less. Really, Josh? This is y nobody likes u"

"Q: How do you keep a ghoul from biting his nails? A: Replace the nails with screws."

"When people ask ""what do you do"" I try to seem normal by saying things like ""Walk with my feet. Use water. See things that are there."""