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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between the Devil and Ted Cruz? The Devil has standards."

"Winning a fight with your gf is like winning a vacation to Detroit. Don't get too excited"

"English ships start with HMS, United states with USS... what about Italian ships? AMB. It's stands for, 'Atsa Ma Boat!'"

"A recent study conducted in Germany by Professor Bernd Ottovordemgentschenfelde proves that 99.9% of people skip his name"

"I once knew an Asian lady with one leg... Her name was Irene."

"Does anyone have a recipe for sausage and apples? I asked my girlfriend what she wanted tonight and she said she could use a wiener in cider."

"Whats Kim Kardashian and the Middle East got in common? Both are covered in oil, huge, and been invaded by the West."

"I am in prison for something I didn't do I didn't pay my taxes"

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Cod ! Cod who ? Cod red-handed !"

"Remember the guy who got last place in the distance ejaculation contest last year? You should see him now, he's really came a long way since then."