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Joke of the Day

"Ian: ""I'd like to report my guide dog missing."" Cop: ""Right. When did you last see him?"" Ian: ""I've never seen him."""

"According to Steve Jobs, what type is the pokemon Scizor? Feature/Borrow"

"I just invented a cell phone that looks like a beer can. Now all you idiots can look cool when you take your picture in a mirror."

"advertising slogans are the official language of the united states of america"

"Kudos to NPH for keeping it brief. #Oscars"

"Accidentally called 911 Set my house on fire to not look stupid."

"Guy calls 911... ...says, ""Help me, help me, my wife's having a baby!"" 911 Operator says, ""Ok, sir, remain calm, is this her first child?"" Guy says ""No, it's her fucking husband!"""

"a cute girl stopped behind my laptop as I was full screen on a pic of bread and I didn't know what to say so I stammered out ""I like bread"""

"I'm trying to teach my toddler how to headbang but he's pissed because he wants a bottle. I told him to save that anger for the mosh pit."

"What's the difference between a fox and a pig? About six drinks"