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Joke of the Day

"What's the best part about living in a black family? You never have to hear a dad joke. Edit. Just thought of this at work one day hope it's not a repost"

"My new party trick.. I swallow two pieces of string and an hour later they come out of my ass tied together. I sh!t you knot."

"What about the two old ladies who brought a bottle of whiskey to the baseball game? At the bottom of the fifth the bags were loaded."

"I see your thesaurus joke and raise you mine. Did you here about the truck full of thesauruses that crashed? Onlookers were shocked, astounded, agape, flabbergasted, and taken aback."

"I saw a woman texting and driving today and it really pissed me off... So I rolled down my window and threw my beer at her."

"My friend took his grandmother to one of those health spas where tiny fish eat all the dead skin... It cost him $300, but it was a lot cheaper than a funeral..."

"What do the LGBT community and computers have in common? Most people over 50 are scared of them and think they are destroying the fabric of society!"

"Sometimes it's fun to walk out of the ladies room licking your fingers."

"For people who've been around such a long time, grandparents seem constantly amazed that children grow."

"Wife: My family is coming over. Me: ....? Wife: PANTS! PUT ON PANTS!"