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Joke of the Day

"What is a pirate's favorite fast food restaurant? Long John Silvers."

"C'mon, dude. Man up and ask her if she likes me."

"Chuck Norris has to use a stunt double when he does crying scenes."

"[after blowing out all the candles on my cake] him: Did you wish for world peace again? me: haha of course. *A WILD SQUIRTLE APPEARS*"

"Is that a gun in your pocket or are you happy to see me? Both! Now get in the fucking van."

"The Most Hipster Job Of All Time Is... Being a Mortician. Morticians are so hipster that their work doesn't get more popular; instead it just goes further underground."

"Life is like a box of chocolates. People repeating the same movie quotes over and over until words have no meaning peanut tambourine ocelot"

"What's worse than having ants in your pants? Uncles"

"I was working on a new rape joke, but i couldn't get the punchline to flow right. It just came off sounding too forced."

"Teacher- ""Are you chewing boy?!!..."" ""This is the worst blowjob i received all day"""