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Joke of the Day

"Got 45 minutes to kill? Watch a senior citizen put a key on a keychain."

"My friend died of a methamphetamine overdose the other day..... When people ask what happened I say, M E T H O.D. man"

"Two cows are standing peacefully on a hill. ""Moo"", pipes up the first cow. The second cow turns to her and says ""BITCH, I WAS GONNA SAY THAT!"""

"I'm not saying I hate you, I'm just saying that if you got hit by a bus, I would be driving that bus."

"ENEMY: can you smell that? That's fear. ME: the baked goods? ENEMY: no. focus on your fear. ME: we must be knife fighting behind a bakery"

"I'm not a quitter. ""Lights cigarette"""

"What do you get when you cross a ghoul and a vampire? A hemogoblin. I came up with this during lecture after a dyslexic moment, thought someone may like it."

"You like I Can't Believe It's Not Butter?! Then you'll love Aunt Jemima's new ""You Butter Recognize!"""

"Timing. Why don't Norwegians tell good jokes?"

"How do you pick up a feminist? Like a bowling ball."