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Joke of the Day

"I still remember taking down that bullying 12 year old on the playground like it was yesterday. My Dad was so proud. Ah, to be 30 again!"

"Why couldn't Donald Trump cross the road? Because a wall was blocking his way"

"When someone favorites instead of retweeting me I comfort myself by thinking ""they're just keeping me to themselves"""

"Those luxury car ads with a sexy couple zigzagging through the hills should really end with the passenger puking on the side of the road."

"This girl's skinny jeans are so Goddamn tight, I think I finally know what a Pancreas looks like."

"Customer: Why doesn't my hairline look good? Barber: It's on the same old head."

"What's the difference between you and Dick Clark? At least that dick had a stroke. Thank you Hard times of RJ Berger"

"Why are camouflage jokes always great? Because you never see them coming."

"A bee will knowingly risk its own life just to cause you a little pain. I can totally relate to that feeling."

"A terrible plane crash occurred in Lithuania last week. A two-seater airplanecrash landed in a cemetery and exploded. They've recovered 300 bodies so far,and they're still digging them up."