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Joke of the Day

"What do you get if you cross a labrador and a tortoise ? A dog that will run to the shop to get your paper and bring back last weeks paper !"

"I didn't think it was funny when I first wrote this one... I gair aunty this is gonna be five steps removed from swishing nebraskan listerine on a gold claim. ...I was right."

"Why is Justing Bieber like a shotgun? Give him a cock and he will blow!"

"Saw this movie about Jewish people this afternoon.. It had a hollow cast."

"Why did the bald man paint rabbits on his head? Because from a distance, they looked like hare."

"American Ginny Thrasher won gold in the Olympic shooting contest. When asked where she learned her skills ""in school"" she replied."

"1) Jumped out of bed 2) Cooked breakfast 3) Ran 6 miles 4) Worked out 5) Started lying compulsively"

"First Kangaroo: How do you tell the difference between an elephant and a rhinoceros? Second Kangaroo: The elephant has a better memory."

"When I die, please bury me wrapped in a sheet. That way I won't have to look for one when I become a ghost"

"A girl comes out of Sherlock's office as Watson comes in...he thinks they had sex. ""That girl was in college wasn't she?"" ""Elementary, my dear Watson"""