137399

Joke of the Day

"what do you call a fat guy telling all his friends that hes gay for the first time? coming out of the pantry! i dunno if this is the kinda stuff you guys like, but i had to share it with someone."

"Some kid was being annoying so I hit him on the face with a baseball bat. He started crying and I didn't even bat an eye."

"Why are there no knock knock jokes about the United States? Because in America, freedom rings."

"This girl just spilt ice all over my record player. I played it cool."

"What's the longest you've ever stared at your phone without glancing up to look at the road while driving? For me it's three weeks."

"Like father, like son Son: Dad, why do people suffer so much in life? Dad: ... for the final five push-ups."

"How many Germans does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just one. We're very efficient and not very humorous"

"nothing sucks more than someone ignoring your texts i mean maybe like getting stabbed to death but that's not much worse"

"I ran into a man today who knew absolutely nothing about anatomy. I had to explain to him that there was a vas deferens between a testicle and penis. Edit: fixed ""there"""

"Why was the Texan afraid of the clock? Because it reminded him that time was moving forward."