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Joke of the Day

"An ideal homework excuse Teacher: Where is your homework? Pupil: I was mugged on the way to school and the mugger took everything I had"

"Women are like parking spots they are either taken or handicapped."

"I was completely shocked today when my doctor told me I was colour blind.. It came completely out of the green"

"'I have trains ran on me all the time.' - Railroads. Or my ex-girlfriend."

"You only live once. Make sure you spend 15 hours on the internet daily, desperately seeking validation from strangers."

"Why can't single women fart? They don't get an asshole till they get married."

"A muslim opens a stir-fry restaurant in Hawai. He called it ""Aloha-Wok-bar""."

"What do u get when u give a rodent date rape drugs? Mickey Mouse"

"Why does Mexjco do poorly in the olympics? Because all the Mexicans who can run fast, swim fast and jump high are in the states."

"Maturbating when hooked up to a heart monitor really gets the nurses running around. They never know if you are coming or going."